


as I shed this skin

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-05-29
Updated: 2007-05-29
Packaged: 2018-09-06 01:26:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8729242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: "All at once the sky lit up, floodlights and cameras pointing right at him and Jared. Jensen tried to pull back a little, get his bearings, but Jared was stilling hanging onto him like a nine foot, three hundred pound rag doll and Jensen couldn't move him for shit." Jared and Jensen filming 2x21.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**Title** \- as I shed this skin  
**Pairing** \- Jared/Jensen  
**Rating** \- NC17  
**Word Count** \- ~2400  
**Spoilers** \- for SPN eipsode 2.21  
  
  
  
  
  
_**as I shed this skin**_  
  
  
  
Sam was heavy. His body, his head, his arms around Dean's waist. Rain hit the back of Dean's neck, rolled cold under the collar of his shirt. He didn't know what he was shivering from more, the night air, or the feel of Sam's body, stone still and not breathing in Dean's arms.   
  
Dean held Sam closer. Told him he was all right, he was going to be okay. Blood trickled from Sam's mouth, hot and sticky against Dean's throat. Dean looked up. God, no, this couldn't be happening. Not to him, not to _Sam_ , not to-  
  
"All right, guys! That's a wrap!"   
  
The words floated sharp and clear across the Vancouver night. All at once the sky lit up, floodlights and cameras pointing right at him and Jared. Jensen tried to pull back a little, get his bearings, but Jared was stilling hanging onto him like a nine foot, three hundred pound rag doll and Jensen couldn't move him for shit.   
  
"Jared." Jensen's voice sounded thick. He cleared his throat and shoved Jared again. "Move, man."  
  
"My knees are fucking broken," Jared said, nose tucked against Jensen's neck.   
  
Jensen patted him on the back lightly. As many times as he'd had to shout Sam's name and run toward him after seeing him stabbed, that's how many times Jared had to actually _get stabbed_ , and drop to his knees in the thick mud.   
  
God, their jobs were awesome.   
  
Everyone was moving around them now. Singer and Kripke. Every PA and lighting and sound guy they had on staff. This was big shit - the finale, the end of the season - and it looked to Jensen that everyone who ever had anything at all to do with the show was there for the filming.   
  
Jared sighed quietly. "Tell me we're done for the night."  
  
Jensen looked up. He managed to catch Kripke's eye and gestured between him and Jared, eyebrows raised. Kripke waved them off when he saw Jensen looking. "Go home. Be back here at six," he called.   
  
Jared moaned, and pushed back a little. "He means PM, right?"  
  
Jensen rubbed a hand over his face. PM would be nice. He could deal with PM.   
  
"That's _AM_ , guys," Kripke clarified, and they both swore softly.   
  
It was raining; the same kind of light, constant drizzle they were both used to after living in Vancouver for this long. Jensen stood first, then held out a hand for Jared to grab. He helped Jared to his feet and snagged a bottle of water from a passing PA. Jared took it from him, used a mouthful to rinse the fake blood from his mouth, and spit on the ground before handing it back to Jensen.   
  
There was a spit versus swallow joke in there somewhere, but Jensen was too tired to find it.   
  
"You even going home tonight?" Jared asked. They were headed to the wardrobe trailer to ditch Sam and Dean's clothes and get back into their own. Jensen's feet were sinking in the mud with every step. He was tired and worn down. Being in Dean's skin for any length of time did that to him, and the past week had been harder than most. He needed a shower and some sleep. A blowjob might be nice too, but if he was tired that meant Jared was shot. Jensen didn't have really high hopes for the night.   
  
"What time is it?" The words sounded funny coming from his mouth. He didn't sound like himself at all; his voice rough from shouting. The more he thought about it, the more he realized he still sounded like Dean, not himself. Jensen cleared his throat. This day needed to be over.  
  
He saw Jared check his watch. "Almost midnight."  
  
"Fuck it. I'll just stay here."  
  
The wardrobe trailer was empty. Jensen went to his side and dumped Dean's damp, dirty clothes in a pile on the floor. He kicked his boots off and tried to shake the beat down, twisted Dean thoughts swirling around in his head. Jensen could still feel it - every bit of pain and anger and frustration he had to use during shooting - and fuck it if he couldn't get out of Dean's skin tonight.  
  
His own jeans and henley were laid out from when he got in that morning; he pulled them on and grabbed a baseball hat from one of his duffel bags. Jensen rubbed his eyes. He grabbed his iPod and shoved it in his pocket. Maybe he could find food somewhere, listen to some not-Dean music and jerk off when he got back to his trailer. Anything to shake this funk off. To get Dean out of his fucking brain.   
  
By the time Jensen finished and went to leave he was feeling slightly better. He looked for Jared to say goodnight, and found him by the door, his head against the wall, almost asleep standing up.   
  
"Dude." He shook Jared's arm. He hadn't even changed yet. "You're gonna fall and break your fucking face."  
  
"Think I'll get a day off if I do?"  
  
"I doubt it." Jensen dropped his fingers from Jared's arm. Shoved his hand in his pocket and took a step back. He needed to sit down for a while, try and relax, and being around Jared who was flushed and sleepy with damp hair and cold skin wasn't helping. It made Jensen want to do things - all sorts of things that he should be letting rest for the night. He was in no frame of mind and neither was Jared, most likely. Jensen bit his bottom lip and turned toward the door. "Get home and get some sleep, Jay. I'll see you in the morning."   
  
Jared might have said something back, but over the slam of the trailer door and the splash of rain hitting the ground around him, if he did, Jensen didn't hear it.   
  
*  
  
Jensen went back to his trailer and showered. He got changed into soft, warm clothes. He had a TV, a nice couch, and a refrigerator full of Molson Canadian, and that was all he needed for the night. With any luck he'd be sleeping in less than an hour. Jensen could feel his eyelids already starting to slip closed, his limbs going heavy against the cushions of the couch.  
  
(He closed his eyes and could still feel the rain from outside, cold and clammy on his skin. Sam's blood was sticky and warm against him, and he could feel it - feel _Dean_ in him - and something hard and angry welled up in his chest. He was trying but he couldn't get past it, couldn't--)   
  
"Fuck," Jensen muttered. This wasn't good. He needed to relax and stop thinking about the show, not lie here and rehash everything that happened on set today. Rubbing a hand over his face, Jensen sat up, and took a pull from his beer.   
  
If he wasn't going to sleep, he might as well watch TV. He flicked on the set and turned the volume low. Conan was a repeat. A few channels over he found an infomercial for a Jack LaLane juicer. That was good and mindless, and Jensen needed to let himself relax. Let his mind go, but not go _too_ far, because then-  
  
(Everything - _everything_ Dean had was gone if he lost Sam. There was nothing left for him to keep going for. Nothing to keep him from letting go, letting it all out, and to do that - to let Dean _feel_ that was killing him. Jensen didn't know how much longer he could do it. How long he could-)  
  
"God _dammit_."   
  
This was ridiculous. Happy. Something happy, that's what Jensen needed. A bunch of girls bouncing around with their tops half off on MTV. Or, fuck, maybe porn. Did he have porn on this TV? Jensen flicked through the higher numbers looking for anything - a flash of skin, a low-pitched moan - anything at all to lose himself in. To get his mind on something other than his goddamn job, and the goddamn show and Dean fucking Winchester and his mountain of issues.   
  
He was still flipping through the channels when there was a knock at the door.   
  
Jensen glanced at the clock. Almost one in the morning, and who the hell would be bugging him at this hour? He put his drink on the table and answered the door, swallowing hard at the sight of Jared - dripping wet and grinning - from the top step.  
  
*  
  
Jared knew him. He knew Jensen, but better than that, sometimes, was that he knew _Dean_. He knew what today did to Dean and Jensen both, and in turn, knew what Jensen needed tonight more than Jensen did himself. Before Jensen could get the words out to ask Jared what he was doing there, he'd pushed his way into the trailer and locked the door behind him.   
  
Jensen licked his lips, and looked at Jared's mouth. "Dude."  
  
"Shut up," Jared murmured, and backed Jensen against the wall.   
  
His hands were cold, the skin on the tips of his fingers rough and calloused. Jensen wanted to say something - tell Jared how much he needed this, wanted it - but Jared was watching him with a knowing smirk, silently telling him to shut up. That Jared knew it all already.   
  
Jensen had no idea how this had happened. How they'd gotten to the point where Jensen didn't even have to ask for something, but Jared knew he needed it anyway. He wasn't going to question it, though. Jared was here, now, and that was all that mattered.   
  
"Come on." Jared's voice was scratched rough with want. Jensen shivered as Jared whispered against his ear, breath warm and moist, fingers curling hard around the curve of his hips. "It's okay, Jensen. Let me do this."  
  
Jensen turned his head, and caught the flush of Jared's cheeks, the tilt of his head and eyes, as he waited for an answer. Jensen swallowed and leaned back, hissing through his teeth when Jared dipped his head and bit at the underside of his jaw. He wanted this, but he hated to ask for it. To look needy or weak. "Jared, I-"  
  
"I'm gonna take that as a yes," Jared murmured, and licked a stripe from Jensen's throat to his ear.   
  
Jensen was done trying to hold back. He wanted this and Jared wanted to give it to him, and Jesus, he needed Jared to touch him. To leave handprints and teeth marks on Jensen's skin so he would know they're both alive. That they're both fine. That today didn't hurt them - it didn't break either of them. That what they do is a job. They act and sometimes it's hard but when the cameras are off they're nothing but Jensen and Jared, and Sam and Dean are gone when the lights go out and the film stops rolling.   
  
He needed to feel Jared's mouth on his throat. His fingers pressing against Jensen's sides, curling up under his shirt, nails scratching along the skin. He needed to shiver under Jared's hands. To feel the sting of his teeth. Jared was holding Jensen's hips, pulling him forward into the V of his own thighs, and Jensen let him do it. Let Jared take what he wanted, because God knew Jensen couldn't ask for it himself.   
  
Jared wouldn't stop talking. Telling Jensen what he was doing, how much he wanted this. He kept Jensen with him, kept Dean out of his head and wiped the memory of Sam (Jared) bleeding and dying in Dean's (his) arms out of his brain.   
  
Jensen shook and moaned. Jared had one hand on Jensen's hip and the other down his boxers, fingers curled tight around his dick. He was stroking Jensen slow; his mouth kissing twisted patterns and breathing filth against his skin.   
  
He jerked him with hard, long strokes. Told Jensen how when he was done, when Jensen was relaxed and ready, that Jared was going to walk him back, push him down on the couch, and lick down Jensen's spine until he was shaking and begging for it. How he was going to hold Jensen open, fuck him first with his mouth and fingers, then slide his dick in as Jensen was grabbing at the cushions and begging Jared to fuck him.   
  
"You want that?" Jared asked. He thumbed the head of Jensen's cock and asked again, "You want me to do that to you, Jen?" and Jensen grabbed onto Jared's arms and came all over his fist.   
  
Jared grinned. He didn't even let Jensen take a breath before shoving him around, Jensen stumbling as the backs of his legs hit the edge of the couch. His face was hot and his hands shook. Jared's eyes tilted at the corners and a smile touched the edges of his mouth. "You ready?"  
  
Jensen nodded. "Yeah."  
  
*  
  
By the time they were done, Conan was long over. So was the infomercial about the juicer. There were still girls jiggling around on MTV, but Jensen was pretty sure that was always the case on MTV. He leaned back against Jared's chest and breathed deep. Jared's hand smoothed over Jensen's heart, pressing down until Jensen could feel the beat rise closer to the skin.   
  
"You better now?" Jared asked. The tip of his nose touched Jensen's ear.   
  
"Yeah." Jensen closed his eyes and let himself relax. "Why'd you come?"  
  
He could hear Jared chuckle quietly. "I know you, Jensen. I left you here alone tonight and you'd have drowned yourself in the rain like one of those stupid turkeys that don't know to close their mouth and stop staring up at the sky."  
  
Jensen felt his eyebrows shoot up. He struggled to get out of Jared's hold to turn around and stare at him. Jared's lips were kiss-swollen, his hair twisted in knots from Jensen's hands. "What in the hell are you talking about?" Jensen asked.   
  
Jared shrugged. His chest flushed pink. "I watch the Discovery channel," he said with his chin raised in the air.   
  
"I'm not even gonna talk to you about this." Jensen shook his head and leaned back. Jared was warm and Jensen just wanted to sleep, even for a little while. Maybe Jared would stay if he asked. Maybe he should try.   
  
He felt Jared's arm tighten around him. Felt his breath stir Jensen's hair. Jensen closed his eyes and went to sleep.   
  
  
  
-end-


End file.
